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• Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans!
• WHAT THE JOB AD SAYS and WHAT IT REALLY MEANS... Advancement opportunity -Lousy job Entry Level -Really a lousy job No experience necessary -The mother of all lousy jobs Administrative assistant -Lousy job with a title Ground floor opportunity -Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year Progressive company - Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday Team player -Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities Upbeat personalities -Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year Word processing skills essential -There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future Public Relations Receptionist - Professional appearance important -$
  20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe Pleasant telephone manner -Be the voice of 1-900-suck Earn up to $...
• What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery (sic) on a blonde?
  "Space. The final frontier." Locked: 50 yards to the next outhouse - written by Kenny du Witt illustrated by Betty Kent "Toll's Toy" by Warren Pees Not Welcome - written by Isadore O'Penn illustrated by Doris Locht Trail in the sand by Peter Draggon The open kimono by Seemore Hair Despite the fanfare of yesterday's new technology announcement, ButtPrint Technologies must now regretfully inform our customers of an unforeseen security vulnerability in our ButtPrint I Computer User Authorization System, and ButtPrint II Coinless Pay Toilet....
• Q: How are an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans different? A: A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
• People Who Should Be Phased Out (by George Carlin) ** Guy's who always harmonize the last few notes of "Happy Birthday.
  ** People over 40 who can't put on reading glasses without making self-conscious remarks about their advancing age....
• What kind of liscense do lesbians need to get married? A liquer liscence.
• Q: What kind of license do lesbians need? A: A licker license.
• Dad's Words of Wisdom Don't ask me, ask your mother.
  Were you raised in a barn? Close the door. You didn't beat me....