Related:

• The Irishman's Olives McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
  When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave....
• Cache me if you can . . .
• From The Wit of Steven Wright: ** Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
  The mime next door went nuts. ** If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?...
• Why did the fly dance on top of the pickle jar? Because it said twist to open.
• Cucumbers are Better: You can open a cucumber using only your teeth.
• Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message.
  Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around....
• Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid? A: When you open her legs the lights go on.
• Pharmaceutical companies have it made. You have to take their vitamins so you can open their medicine bottles.