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• This is a wonderful time to be alive," Mr. Reagan is telling campaign audiences.
  For one thing, we're in the period between atomic bombs....
• If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.
• MICHAEL KENNEDY What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
  John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?...
• What's the worst thing about being an atheist? You have no one to talk to when you're getting a great blow job.
• Irv Kupcinet: "What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive?
• You have to wonder about any period in history in which people are saying that God is dead and Elvis is alive.
• You know the story of Noah's Ark, of course. Well
  after the flood when the ark came to rest on Ararat, Noah released all the animals, and held a meeting and explained to them that the Lord wanted them to be fruitful and multiply and repopulate the earth....
• A FEW THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  A successful woman is one who can find such a man....