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• Stocks, bonds, handcuffs, and leg irons all the same!
• Sweet Chariot portfolio: I buy stocks; they swing low!
• For 40 years I have analyzed stocks and other money markets.
  Now I have made a remarkable discovery. The Confederate dollar has risen in value 7....
• They're not calling it the stock market any longer.
  It's the stuck market. When a man walks into a hotel and requests a room on the ninth floor, the clerk asks, "For sleeping or for jumping?...
• How do I think the President will handle the budget deficit?
  I think he will issue Quayle bonds - no interest, no maturity....
• Don't invest all your money in just one or two stocks.
  That's the danger. I know a man who put all his money in just two stocks, a paper-towel company and a revolving-door outfit....
• Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth, And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings.
  -- John Gillespie Magee...
• I may choose instruments somewhat sharper than words. -- Scaroth (as Scarlioni), CITY OF DEATH
• Bonds almost instantly!