Related:

• Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?
  omeone asked him, after a few days. "Not too bad", replied Diogenes....
• Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh.
  .. It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream....
• Trouble: Charles Manson. *REAL* Trouble: His evil twin. -- Mister Boffo
• Krusty: I slugged some jerk in Tahoe. They gave me one to three.
  My high-priced lawyer sprung me On a technicality....
• When I was a baby, I kept a diary. The first entry i
  Day One: Still tired from the move." I was upset because on my second birthday, I went from being one to being two, and my age doubled in a year....
• I saw this old woman digging for food through a garbage can.
  I don't know about you folks. I have a lot of love for old women going through garbage cans....
• A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone.
  After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it....
• Since I brought along two cases of well-joggled wine, my main problems will be food and sex.
  Not oddly, they're the same problems a lot of people have everywhere on Earth. -- Jim Harriso...
• Smithers: The man became consumed by greed. He'd steal from anyone!
  [flashback to part one] Smithers: This isn't a rival company you're battling with, it's a school....