Related:

• You know one thing that will really make a woman mad?
  Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men....
• If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• You know something that would really make me applaud?
  A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis!...
• You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea?
  Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don't even care, do you....
• You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.
  Also, he has severe diarrhea. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of "bag.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half?
  Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egyp
  on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, "Be sure, before I start, you have all the jewelry and so forth on the body, because I am NOT unwrapping him later....