Related:

• George, the day the war began I was cheesed off. Within ten minutes of you arriving, I'd finished the cheese and moved on to the coffee and cigars.
  -- Edmund : Major Sta...
• Don't worry, I could go on all night! Not with a bayonet through your neck, you couldn't.
  -- Baldrick and Edmund : Goodbyeee......
• They get together all day long and say to each other, "What can we postpone next?
  The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly....
• Remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you.
  About thirty-five _miles_ behind you, to be precise... -- Melchett and Edmund : Captain Cook...
• The gas-station attendant looks at the car and says, "You got a flat tire.
  I said, "No, the other three just swelled up." -- Bill Engval...
• You know the kind of girls I like. They've got to be lovers.
  ..laughers ...dancers... ...And bonkers... -- George and Edmund : Amy and Amiability...
• Take a telegram. To: Mr C.Chaplin, Senate Studios, Hollywood, California.
  Message reads: Congrats stop Have found only person in world less funny than you stop Name Baldrick stop -- Edmund...
• I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him.
  The whole time I had the money on me---he didn't know it....
• Thank you, George, but if you don't mind I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer-thin by a steak tenderiser and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop.
  -- Edmund : Major Sta...