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Instead Of Burning A Guy At The Stake, What About Burning Him At The STILTS?
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Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS?
It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Related:
Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way.
Cars, too! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.
Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone....
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection.
I guess that's what I hated about him. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?
Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway...
I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy.
I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me....
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back.
NOW who's asking the questions? -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver.
And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him....
If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.
-- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...