Related:

• Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
  Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best.
  We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us....
• It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money.
  And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy....
• I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex.
  He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you....
• Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handey, "Deep Though...
• I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr.
  Brave man, I guess I'm a coward. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit.
  Man, I hate land like that. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...