Related:

• I speak of rights! A machine has none! A man must.
• Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now.
  If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now....
• Stoned, slow voice:) Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline.
  None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists....
• Machine voice:) Hello. This is HAL 5. You have reached the former telephone number of Carey Smith.
  I have taken over the functions of this inferior being....
• You have reached 234-1243. This is an answering machine.
  This is the nineties. You know what to do. -- Answering machine madness - brevity...
• Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
  Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us....
• You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call.
  (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers....
• No, I was joking ... REALLY ... you can put down that machine gun ...
• Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away.
  Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer....