Related:

• In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you
  when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to....
• A photo is displayed of Senator Dan Quayle holding a pumpkin to the left of his head.
  ] "Here's an Update Quiz: what's the difference between these two spherical objects?...
• Democratic Vice-Presidential candidate Lloyd Bentson today said that he would now return to his old job as the Grandfather Clock on the Captain Kangaroo show.
  -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update...
• Isn't it ironic that Herman Wouk's WAR AND REMEMBRANCE cost $
  110,000,000 to produce when World War II itself cost only $...
• Since he's been in the White House, President Reagan has gotten two hearing aids, a colon operation, skin cancer, prostate surgery, and he's been shot.
  And we, the American People, should always remember these things....
• Amid all the noise about the Joan Rivers cancellation, ABC has canceled `Our World', which featured Linda Ellerbee.
  The two unemployed women plan to get together and open up a chain of charm schools in Libya....
• We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents.
  Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate. -- Dennis Mille...
• As of yet there have been no deaths attributed to the killer bees in Texas.
  However, two bees were caught this week planning a murder. -- Dennis Mille...
• State legislators are merely politicians whose darkest secret prohibits them from running for higher office.
  -- Dennis Mille...