Related:

• It was revealed this week that the Contras are breaking up, because one of them is dating Yoko.
  -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update...
• In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you
  when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to....
• A photo is displayed of Senator Dan Quayle holding a pumpkin to the left of his head.
  ] "Here's an Update Quiz: what's the difference between these two spherical objects?...
• Isn't it ironic that Herman Wouk's WAR AND REMEMBRANCE cost $
  110,000,000 to produce when World War II itself cost only $...
• In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $
  20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years....
• Don't throw away your conscience. -- George McGovern (1922-____) U.
  S. Senator, 1972 Democratic presidential candidate...
• Since he's been in the White House, President Reagan has gotten two hearing aids, a colon operation, skin cancer, prostate surgery, and he's been shot.
  And we, the American People, should always remember these things....
• I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning to turn around.
  -- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to convince reporters that the economy was doing better because a Burger King had a 'now hiring' sign in the window....
• I don't believe The American people want a gelding in the White House.
  -- Grover Cleveland, then Presidential candidate when the news came out -- before the election of 1884 -- that he was supporting a 10-year-old illegitimate son....