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• George, the day the war began I was cheesed off. Within ten minutes of you arriving, I'd finished the cheese and moved on to the coffee and cigars.
  -- Edmund : Major Sta...
• Through the travail of ages Midst the pomp and toil of war Have I fought and strove and perished Countless times under the star.
  As though through a glass and darkly The age old strife I see Where I fought in many guises, many names But always me....
• Let me put it another way, Bob. You _are_ a girl. And you're a girl with about as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar bears-only golf club.
  -- Edmund : Major Sta...
• I was the man of a thousand faces. So how did you come to choose the ugly mug you've got now, then?
  -- Percy and Edmund : Bee...
• A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad right?
  And Santa says, "Yes, I do." The little kid then asks, "And you know when I'm sleeping?...
• Homer: Don't worry, this frosting will come right off.
  [looking to the ball] Beauty, isn't she? Marge...
• I love old Chappers. Don't you, Captain? Unfortunately, no.
  I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck....
• You mustn't do that to me, sir, because that...is a borgeious act of repression, sir.
  .....What? -- Baldrick and Edmund : Major Sta...
• Ez fer war, I call it murder,-- There you hev it plain an' fla
  I don't want to go no furder Than my Testyment fer that....