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• I was walking down the street and all of a sudden the prescription for my eye-glasses ran out.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was walking down the street the other day when I saw this guy with two wooden legs, but real feet.
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillip...
• I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy. -- Emo Phillip
• When it comes to my health, I think of my body as a temple.
  .. or at least a moderately well-managed Presbyterian youth center. -- Emo Phillip...
• I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.
  So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillip...
• At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass.
  The refill contained the antidote. -- Emo Phillip...