Related:

• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to think the mind was the most important part of a person.
  Then I realized what part of me is telling me that....
• When it comes to my health, I think of my body as a temple.
  .. or at least a moderately well-managed Presbyterian youth center. -- Emo Phillip...
• A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
  -- Emo Phillip...
• I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor.
  The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?" -- Emo Phillip...
• I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.
  So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillip...
• At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass.
  The refill contained the antidote. -- Emo Phillip...
• I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy. -- Emo Phillip