Related:

• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm.
  By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh...
• I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
  So I said, Got any shoes you're not using? -- Steven Wrigh...
• I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• Last night I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards.
  I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
  I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board.
  You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it....
• I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
  Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads. -- Steven Wrigh...