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My Father Said, "Bring Along Your Best Girl." This Is Something You Say To A Pimp! -- Bill Mahe
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My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to
a pimp!
-- Bill Maher
Related:
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD.
Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea....
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad.
I'd say yeah? When? -- Bill Hick...
Quick! Bring me a beaker of wine so that I may wet my mind and say something clever!
-- Aristophanes (sp?)...
The best advice I've ever received? How about the strangest?
When I was thirteen, my father took me aside and told me that all a girl needed to know to get by in life was written on the top of a mayonnaise jar....
You should never challenge "worse." Don't ever say, "Things couldn't get worse.
Worse is rough ... I was down to my last two hundred dollars....
Jessica: [walking up] You're _bad_, Bart Simpson. Ba
[plaintive] No I'm not! I'm really -- Jessica: Yes you are....
My youngest child is the funniest one of the group.
I had just finished eating and my stomach was swollen from the food that went in it....
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.
But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?...
I never know what to get my father for his birthday.
I gave him a hundred dollars and said, "Buy yourself something that will make your life easier....