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• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. -- Steven Wrigh
• I met my latest girl friend in a department store. She was looking at clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• The crowd went crazy as Tommy hit the stage. Little Sally got lost as the police bossed the crowd back in a rage.
  ... Sixteen stitches put her right and her dad said, 'Don't say I didn't warn ya!...
• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I lay my head on the railroad tracks, Waitin' for the double E.
  The railroad don't run no more. Poor poor pitiful me....
• My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• There was a man who enjoyed playing golf, and could occasionallly put up with taking in a round with his wife.
  One time (with his wife along) he was having an extremely bad round....
• Nothing that's forced can ever be right, If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
  That's what she said as she turned out the light, And we bent our backs as slaves of the night, Then she lowered her guard and showed me the scars She got from trying to fight Saying, oh, you'd better believe it....