Related:

• My brother-in-law has found a way to make ends meet.
  He goes around with his head stuck up his ass....
• My friend thought he was not gonna make it. Then he started thinking positive.
  Now he's positive he's not gonna make it. -- Brother Sammy Shore...
• My father said, "Mike, if you masturbate you'll go blind.
  I said, "Dad--I'm over here." -- Mike Binde...
• Rogers: "Did you have any other children?" Beverly
  My husband died a number of years ago, Wes was our only child....
• Eager to know the result of a physics exam he had taken, my brother asked his teacher, "How far am I from making an 'A' in this course?
  Replied the instructor, "Do you want that in light years?...
• Neurotic means he is not as sensible as I am, and psychotic means he's even worse than my brother-in-law.
  -- Karl Menninge...
• Semi-Conductor - a person hired to lead an orchestra before he has graduated from director's school.
• I will describe] where I come from and what kind of a house I lived in when I was a kid
  how many public schools that I went to - five elementary, two high schools - product of a public school system, two jobs in college, went to night school, worked my way through law school....