Related:

• ATLAS A really big dude who used to carry the world upon his shoulders (or something like that).
  Today's modern Prime Ministers and Presidents may think that they carry the world upon *their* shoulders, but if that were true then they'd be crushed into tiny specks just by the sheer weight of the damn thing....
• CHURCH A church is either (a) a big, generally impressive-looking building where people go to indulge in religious activities, or (b) a rash commonly found on the upper-thigh.
  I think it's (b). One well-known cure is to dab it with a cream mixed from worm manure, cow snot and crushed caterpillars....
• AARDVARK Like an anteater, but harder to spell, the aardvark hangs around South American locations getting to know the local ant population, and attempting genocide on them.
  Well recognised for its long snout, with which it sucks up said unfortunate ants, the aardvark is best known for that bit in Tintin where it cleans up Captain Haddock's face....
• COMPETITION Competition is now recognised as the lynch-pin of free trade, the brake-pad of democracy, and the small plastic novelty egg of the consumer society.
  It is also an excellent method of breaking up monopolies, with subsequent improvements in consumer choice and customer service....
• VIRTUAL REALITY Another one of those concepts that no-one over 45 really understands.
  See also: Information superhighway, Interactive TV....
• VANDAL Vandals are people who have their brain surgically removed and then go around destroying, damaging and generally depreciating anything they feel like, just because they want to.
  Psychiatrists have described this behaviour as regression, and a primal act of defiance against society....
• MOUNTAIN Something which men seem to delight in being able to climb just so they can stick little flags in it at the top to show that they've climbed i
  and can then apply for Fame from the Warhol Institute For Handing Out Fame....
• CHOCOLATE Truly the most wondrous substance in the whole universe.
  One day they will discover that chocolate can be used to power the world, cure the common cold, stop cancer in its tracks, and do really nasty things to Nazis....
• BAA The sound a sheep makes when trying to communicate its inner feelings to the outside world.
  Unfortunately those in the outside world who actually understand this are generally only other sheep....