Related:

• Last night the power went out. Good thing my camera had a flash.
  ... The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops....
• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wrigh...
• My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my head.
  I tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. -- Steven Wrigh
• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I filled my humidifier with wax and left it on. Now everything in my house is shiny.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I had my coathangers spayed. -- Steven Wrigh
• I use windows...on my car, on my house, but not on my computer!