Related:

• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around.
  I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face....
• I acquired my contact lenses a day or two later and they worked superbly.
  To insert them was but the work of a moment: all I had to do was pry open my eyes with a buttonhook, force the lenses in, and gulp as though swallowing a Chincoteague oyster....
• I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  .. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... -- Stephen Wrigh...
• The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys.
  But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it....
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....