Related:

• God only made man because he was disappointed with the monkey. -- Mark Twai
• These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm.
  Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig....
• If it takes a man and a half a day and a half to dig a hole and a half, how many days does it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
  Thirteen, because boy dogs can't have puppies....
• The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. -- Robert Benchley
• My brother just got out of the Marines. They made a man out of him .
  .. paid for the operation and everything. -- Stu Trivax...
• EDIBLE, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• No matter how much money you spend, you can't make a racehorse out of a pig.
  You can, however, make an awfully fast pig....
• Suddenly, masked hombres seized Petunia Pig And Made her into a sort of dense Jell-O.
  -- Jack Collom...