Related:

• Do you remember when you only had to pay for windows when *you* broke them? -- Noel Maddy
• There are no traffic jams when you go the extra mile.
• Lisa: Dad, why is the world such a cesspool of corruption?
  Homer: [sotto voce] Oh, great... [speaking up] All right, what makes you say that?...
• Lisa: Dad, why is the world such a cesspool of corruption?
  Homer: [sotto voce] Oh, great... [speaking up] All right, what makes you say that?...
• You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is?
  I'm like that all the time. -- Steven Wrigh...
• What do you look like when you aren't visualizing anything?
• How many Necrophiliacs -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Only one. Oh, excuse me, could you please test the socket with your finger while I go get a new bulb?...
• People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.
• All you have to do to see the accuracy of my thesis is look around you.
  Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs - bank vice presidents, insurance salesmen, auditors, secretaries of defense - and you'll realize they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins in the Sears menswear department dress....