Related:

• Don't trust seagulls to explain anything. It's a *fork*, and don't forget it.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Hang around with dolphins, carrying a large pair of scissors in case you meet a tuna fishing boat that hasn't learnt about driftnets being illegal.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Never fret about losing a single sock in the wash again.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• See a psychiatrist about your hydrophobia. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Don't worry about ladders in your stockings. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Forget about the problem of ingrowing toenails. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Stop worrying about your varicose veins. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Write to your local council complaining about the lack of mermaid ramps on public buildings.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Accuse fun-run organisers of discrimination. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.