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• If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.
  If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be. -- Wayne...
• Always tell her she's beautiful, especially if she isn't. -- Lazarus Long
• Life's a bitch, and she's back in hea
• Never be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with another man, be kind and understanding.
  If she says she would like to go out with the Dallas Cowboys, including the coaching staff, the same rule applies....
• Homer: Where's that waitress of yours? Moe: Oh, she left to pursue a movie career.
  Frankly, I think she was better off here. -- "Flaming Moe'...
• While walking down a crowded City street the other day
  I heard a little urchin To a comrade turn and say, "Say, Chimmey, lemme tell youse, I'd be happy as a clam If only I was de feller dat Me mudder t'inks I am....
• Never tell a woman that you didn't realize she was pregnant unless you're certain that she is.
  -- Dave Barry...
• Never tell a woman she doesn't look good in some article of clothing she has just purchased.
  -- Lewis Grizzard...
• Most guys'll tell you, if they had a choice of a way to die, they would want to die while in bed with a woman.
  Making whoopee. Which is great. For the guy. For the woman, let's be honest, it's a drag....