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• The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. --Erma Bombeck
• The only heavy breathing I ever hear is after aerobics.
• God created man, but I could do better. -- Erma Bombeck
• When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.
  ' -- Erma Bombeck...
• I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill. -- Erma Bombeck
• It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.
  -- Erma Bombeck...
• But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride.
  Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there....
• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare.
  They are consumed in twelve minutes. Halftimes take twelve minutes....
• I don't mind being ... fat. I was in the Big Man's Shop and a salesman came up to me and said, "We have jogging suits in your size.
  Why? Last time I ran was in '82. I didn't hear the bells on the ice-cream truck the first time....