Related:

• I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills.
  If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone....
• To scare off annoying liberals:) Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign.
  Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill....
• I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• This might be funnier in this context than actually on an answering machine.
  It certainly will befuddle the caller!) The number you have reached is currently unavailable....
• To prevent baldness, follow the few simple rules which are listed here
  1. Eat at least five ounces of parsnips each day, while standing on your head....
• You may be redneck... if you wash your truck more often than your kids.
• Bart: You made all that money for sitting around and watching TV and eating food?
  ? Lisa: There's a lot more to it than that, Bart....
• If you need a spoon, keep one around. Carry a thermos to help wash it down.
  Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out - use it for spackle or bathroom grout....
• How many grocery store cashiers -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill....