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• The sun was shining brightly, And I could hardly wait, To ponder at my window, And gaze at my estate.
  My eyes fell on a little bird, With a lovely yellow bill....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Ooh I was ugly, so ugly that when I was born the Doctor told my mother "I did all I could but he pulled through anyway".
• I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen, Of Meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have bee
  Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were, With morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair....
• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• As I bit into the sweet, tangy nectarine, and tasted the juices running down my chin, I looked down, and realized that it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!
• I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex.
  He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you....
• EXCESS, n. In morals, an indulgence that enforces by appropriate penalties the law of moderation.
  Hail, high Excess -- especially in wine, To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me -- My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine....
• The President is my shepherd, I am in want. He maketh me to lie down on park benches, he leadeth me beside still factories, he restoreth my doubt in the Republican party.
  He guideth me to the path of unemployment for his party's sake....