Related:

• A dog is a man's best friend
• I call a wrong number. A guy on the other end says, "Well, what number did you dial?
  Well, did it ring at your house? Then I guess it's yours, Mr. Wizard!" -- Larry Reeb...
• We have two cats. They're my wife's cats, Mischa and Alex.
  You can tell a woman names a cat like this. Women always have sensitive name...
• Homer: How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children?
  Lisa: Have a blast, Mom. Bart: Rock the Casbah! Home...
• They try to humiliate you in the hospital. They make you pee in a bottle.
  I hate that. I was in the hospital. The nurse said, "You have to pee in a bottle....
• Homer: Oh...I don't have a friend in the world. Moe
  [outside] Let us through! Barney: [outside] ...Homer's true friends!...
• You can have a dog as a friend. You can have whiskey as a friend.
  But if you have a woman as a friend, you're going to wind up drunk and kissing your dog....
• Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations?
  Worry no more... Go away. You bother me. Why?...