Related:

• I came down from Jacksonville on a train that was the slowest train I'd ever been on.
  I said to the conductor, "Can't you run any faster?...
• After two days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
• Mother didn't make it to the hospital. I was born on the bus.
  Mother was furious when she had to open her pocketbook the second time. -- Jack Dougla...
• Hayl, you know an' I know that th' only way in th' world we can get that kind o' money is if we found a bottle of Coke with a mouse in it.
  -- Randy Quaid explains funding to Pee-Wee Herman on a SNL episode...
• The young Georgia miss came to the hospital for a checkup.
  "Have you been X-rayed?" asked the doctor. "Nope," she said, "but ah've been ultraviolated....
• I sent a message to another time, But as the days unwind -- this I just can't believe, I sent a message to another plane, Maybe it's all a game -- but this I just can't conceive.
  ... I met someone who looks at lot like you, She does the things you do, but she is an IBM....
• She can wade in a drop of dew. She don't come and I don't follow, .
  .waits backstage while I sing to you. -- The Grateful Dead...
• The highway cop said, "Walk a straight line." I said
  Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to achieving a straight line would be making an electroencephalogram of your own brain waves....
• Lisa: Dad, Mom said she'd be home to help me with my costume and she's not, and the geography pageant is tonight!
  Homer: Lisa, your mom still loves you. It's just that she has a career now....