Related:

• Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want? -- Answering machine madness - authority figure
• In a bored voice:) Heaven, God speaking... the answers NO!
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• Vancouver Coast Guard, may I help you. (Caller thinks they dialed long distance.
  ) -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center.
  Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey....
• You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility.
  We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can....
• The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• Kemosabe no in tipi now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...