Related:

• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached.
  .. (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can....
• Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now
  o after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following word...
• Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey.
  I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411....
• If I Only Had A Brain":) I might be in the shower, I might be gone for hours, I can't come to the phone.
  So, please leave your name and number, If I miss you it'd be a bummer, Leave your message at the tone....
• After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money.
  I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding....
• Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed.
  I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone....
• Theme music from James Bond:) Hello. My name is David, code number 324-5628.
  I'm sorry I can't take your call, but I'm on an international mission involving the theft of gold plated Spam....
• Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier.
  (Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine....