Related:

• How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don't also shoot some fireworks out the window?
  It would make the whole takeoff look more impressive. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Here's a good tip for when you go to the beach: A sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don't taste like it.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• You know one thing that will really make a woman mad?
  Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men....
• Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Men will sooner surrender their rights than their customs. -- Moritz Guedema
• Here's a good gag if you go swimming in a swamp and when you com out you're all covered with leeches.
  Just say, "Hey, has anybody seen my raisins?" (Because leeches kind of look like big raisins....
• If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron.
  That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look....
• Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself.
  Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words---"mank" and "ind"....