Related:

• Isn't it funny how we'll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it's not the moon but a streetlight?
  Also what's funny is how we do this every night. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• You know something that would really make me applaud?
  A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis!...
• Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon.
  But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, ``Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT....
• To us, it might look like just a rag. But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than that.
  It was a flag of surrender. And after that, it was torn up and used for shoe-shine rags, so the men would look nice for the surrender....
• If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class.
  It's just too rich a subject. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow?
  It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak....
• If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad?
  Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?...
• You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.
  Also, he has severe diarrhea. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you're ever selling your house, and some people come by
  and a big rat comes out and he's dragging the rattrap because it didn't quite kill him, just tell the people he's your pet and that's a trick you taught him....