Related:

• Here's a piece of late news. Mr. Arthur Perkiss, the man who this week won five hundred thousand pounds on the pools, has announced that he will never work another day in his life.
  So he's staying on with British Rail. -- Ronnie Corbe...
• At Crystal Palace this evening, Neville Stitch broke his own world record in the eight hundred meters.
  He was so pleased he went on to try the high hurdles, but, thinking they were the low hurdles, he shattered his personal best....
• I hate discount stores. They're all deceptive. The way they advertise is misleading.
  I spotted a sign, three o'clock in the morning. This is what the sign said...
• A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass.
  Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals. -- Ronnie Corbe...
• French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders' sit-in.
  -- Ronnie Corbe...
• It is hard to let old beliefs go. They are familiar.
  We are comfortable with them and have spent years building systems and developing habits that depend on them....
• I shall come to you in the night and we shall see who is stronger -- a little girl who won't eat her dinner or a great big man with cocaine in his veins.
  -- Sigmund Freud, in a letter to his fiancee...
• The man who invented the zip fastener was today honored with a lifetime peerage.
  He'll now be known as the Lord of the Flies. -- Ronnie Barke...
• Before marraige a man will like awake all night thinking about something you said.
  After marriage he will fall asleep before you have finished saying it. -- Anon....