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• There was a place in childhood that I remember well, And there a voice of sweetest tone bright fairy tales did tell.
  -- Samuel Lover (1797-1868) -- My Mother dea...
• My mother traded with a Ferengi for me when I was a baby.
• My mother made me a homosexual! If I send her the yarn, can she make me one too?
• I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes.
  -- George Carli...
• Willie in the cauldron fell; Willie saw some dynamite, See the grief on mother's brow
  Couldn't understand it quite; Mother loved her darling well -- Curiosity never pay...
• I'll tell you about my mother!
• My mother invented me. My father denies!
• In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest in the elevator.
  I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue....
• Skinner: Bart! Heh heh, welcome. Can I offer you a Diet Caffeine-Free Dr.
  Pepper or an individual fruit cocktail cup? Ba...