Related:

• Have you flogged your kid today?
• If anybody comes up to you and says, "My kid is a conservative--why is that?
  You say, "Remember in the '60s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?...
• Kid: Paper or plastic? Selma: You decide. [looks down] So, wearing a belt, are you?
  Kid: Uh-huh. Selma: No suspenders for you. Kid...
• Remember You Are Not Immortal! Teach Your Kid To Cook Today
• You may be redneck... if your kid takes a siphon hose to Show-and-Tell.
• Moe: [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check.
  [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss....
• If at first you don't succeed, give up? -- Not this kid!!
• As a kid, I used to have a lemonade stand. The sign said, "All you can drink for a dime.
  So some kid would come up, plunk down the dime, drink a glass, and then say, "Refill it....
• You may be redneck... if your kid takes your spit cup to Show-and-Tell.