Related:

• Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
  "One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure knows when to stop....
• Homer: The last bar in Springfield...if they don't let me in here, I'm going to have to quit drinking!
  Homer's liver: Yay! Homer: Shut up, liver!...
• SMILEY :^D "Great! I like it!
• Man, do I look like a cigarette butt?" "huh?" "Cause I sure feel smoked!" -- D Jagoda
• I LIKE sex on TV! And the floor, the kitchen table, the..
• Dammit, man, that's unprofessional! A good bartender laughs anyway!
• A guy walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Since when did you have sawdust on the floor?
  That's not sawdust," the bartender said. "It's last night's furniture." -- Joey Adam...
• Bart flicks a pocket knife open and closed repeatedly] Ma
  You call that a knife? _This_ is a knife. Ba...
• Peanuts: The Drinking Man's Filter.