Related:

• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  .. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... -- Stephen Wrigh...
• The other day I went out and bought a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I brought them home, put them in the bedroom, shut the door, and let them fight it out....
• I filled my humidifier with wax and left it on. Now everything in my house is shiny.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wrigh...
• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• All the plants in my house are dead---I shot them last night.
  I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. -- Steven Wrigh...
• Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts.
  They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough....