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• Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen's round metal hat.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I'd rather be rich than stupid. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
• Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If I ever get real rich, I hoe I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.
  And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it....