Related:

• If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• You can't tell me that cowboyx, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of "accidentally" brand each other every once in a while.
  It's their way of letting off stress. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike.
  The first is, we both like to spread our "stink" around....
• I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground.
  That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some were probably hit by cars.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it.
  Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, "Hey, good job....