Related:

• Are those cocktail-waitress fingernail marks? I asked Colletti as he showed us these scratches on his chest.
  No, those are on my back, Colletti answered. This is where a case of cocktail shrimp fell on me....
• Sulu: "Captain Kirk." Kirk: "Captain Sulu, as much to the crew of the Enterprise, I owe you my thanks.
  Sulu: "Nice to see you back one more time, Captain Kirk....
• Get in there, you big hairy oaf! ...I don't care what you smell, get in! -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
• Cats sit in laps because it's warm there. They don't care if it's you or the radiator, so it certainly was a compliment when the owner said the cat liked me.
  Who had this cat met that it was comparing me to? The maid?...
• Artichokes ... are just plain annoying.... After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual "food" out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps.
  Have the shrimp cocktail instead. -- "Miss Piggy...
• Omag: "Where's the waiter? Isn't there a waiter in this sorry place?
  !" Riker: "Is there a problem?" Omag: "Yes. I need more napkins!...
• You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape." -- Ellyn Mustard
• Some people prefer Windows, but I, for one, care less for them.
• One time I was hitchhiking when a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks, I'm not going that far.