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• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillip...
• At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass.
  The refill contained the antidote. -- Emo Phillip...
• I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.
  So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillip...
• Emo Phillips was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving.
  When brought before the judge, Emo was asked if he knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was....
• I need a Phillips Screwdriver. All of mine are Stanley.
• I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as ALPO baby food.
  -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor.
  The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?" -- Emo Phillip...