Related:

• Start with:) Hello, this is Adrian; I'm just returning your call.
  (Later change it to:) Hello, this is Adria...
• If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
  Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message....
• Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions.
  But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder....
• Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life.
  After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message....
• Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice?
  Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him....
• Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon.
  We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress....
• Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
  Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White....
• Machine voice:) Hello. This is HAL 5. You have reached the former telephone number of Carey Smith.
  I have taken over the functions of this inferior being....
• I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel.
  Remember, be honest. This is for posterity....