Simpsons Wit

Homer: My dad never believed in me. I'm not going to make the same mistake
I'm going to be nicer to my son and meaner to my dad....
Chief Wiggum: Ralphie is so incredible, the special schools are all over him.
Episode: when Bart & Ralph become friend...
Barney: If I did vote, I'd vote for him. Episode
Lisa is an essay finalist about democracy, in Washington, DC...
Smithers [as nuclear plant is about to meltdown]: Sir, there may be never be another time to say.
.. I love you, sir. Burn: Oh, hot dog....
Lisa: [laughing at an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon] Bart, you're not laughing.
Too subtle? Simpsons mocking itself Episode: 8F04, Homer Defined...
Krusty: I'm going to personally spit in every 50th Krusty Burger!
Homer: I like those odds! Episode: the one when krusty gives away food based on how well the US does in the olympics....
Principal Skinner, as he returns to Capitol City on his motorcycle
Ah, 433rd street -- my old neighborhood Episode: When Principal Skinner's true identity is discovered...
Grandpa Simpson to old lady: Hello, beautiful! Woma
In your dreams Grandpa: We'll see about that! [falls asleep and starts snoring] Episode...
Rod: [taking down poster] I don't like this clown! Ba
Ah, I wouldn't take it down if I were you. It's a load-bearing poster....
Homer to ambulance driver: I want my wife to get the best treatment money can buy!
Ambulance driver flicks switch so ambulance sign changes from "Ambulance" to "Beth Israel....