Related:

• Homer: Well, the evening began at the Gentleman's Club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
  Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Grampa: For the love of god, help me! I've been here for four days and that turtle's got all of my teeth!
  [looking down] There he is! [the turtle walks away, holding the oversized denture] Grampa...
• Hibbert: Is the alien carbon-based, or silicone-based?
  Homer: Uhhh... the second one. Zillifone. Next question?...
• Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice... like Urkel!
  And he appears every Friday night... like Urkel!...
• Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
  Maybe I could have been something more than I am....
• Jones: We're aware of your problems, and, Mr. Simpson.
  ..we want to help. Homer: Mmm. I saw that report you did on Sasquatch....
• Barney: Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy. Moe: Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down.
  Oh, boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me....
• Marge: You took a new job in a strange town without discussing it with your family?
  Homer: Of course not. I wouldn't do that! [pause] Why not?...