Related:

• Woods: Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.
  Apu: Oh...oh, Mr. Woods, your -- Woods: But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet....
• Tony, you're my agent. You _have_ to do something about this.
  ...How can it be the same movie if they've changed my character from a convenience store clerk to a jittery eskimo firefighter?...
• Inspector: Name? Woods: James Woods, heh. Woma
  Previous job experience? Woods: Ooh, uh, let's see, "True Believer", uh, "Salvador", "Onion Field", uh -- "The Hard Way"?...
• Woods: 75, 85, 90, and a dollar. Thank you, and come again.
  Hey, wait a minute! Hey! Uh...could I just ask you a question?...
• Apu: Ah, my old Squishee machine. And my scum bucket with fly!
  And a whole check list. Woods: Hey, you're Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, aren't you?...
• Inspector: All right, why do you want to become part of the Kwik-E-Mart family?
  Barney: Because I like people. And I need a place where I'll be out of the sun....
• Hand over all your money in a paper bag!" "Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery.
  I do work in a convenience store you know....
• Apu: He is the benevolent and enlightened president and C.
  E.O. of Kwik-E-Mart -- and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart....
• Apu: You see, whether igloo hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic dome, There's no structure I have been to, which I'd rather call my home.
  When I first arrived, you were all such jerks, But now I've come to looooooove your quirks....