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• These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.
• I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
• Sometimes I wake up grouchy, sometimes I let her sleep.
• I didn't wake up "Grouchy", I let her sleep.
• Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY... & sometimes I let her sleep
• Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.
  Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing....
• Answering machines. Nowadays almost everyone has one, complete with a snappymessage of their own device.
  Wait for the beep and then read on. This is a short adaptation of Simon Butler-White's and Clive Archer's "could-be" phone messages released in Australian Cleo, August 1989....
• Hello. I can't come to the phone now because--HEY, GEORGE!
  DON'T STAND ON THAT--goddam. ...because I've invited George and Barbara Bush over &l...