e Top 15 Rejected Guinness World Record Categories
15> Attending Physician, Most Botched Assisted Suicides
14> Most Personal E-mails Posted on Company Time
13> Longest Sustained Yeast Infection
12> Worst Imitation of Humphrey Bogart
11> Grooviest Shag Carpeting
10> Most Batter-Dipped, Deep-Fried Gila Monster Tails Consumed in
One Sitting
9> Yo! World's Phattest Man!
8> Slowest 100-Meter Dash While Hopped Up on Amphetamines
7> Greatest Number of Donuts Carried Without Using One's Hands
6> Most Phone Conversations with Dionne Warwick Without a
Lotto Win
5> Tallest Inhabitable Structure Made Entirely from Rice
Crispy Treats
4> Servings of Haggis Consumed by a Legally Sane Non-Scotsman
3> Most Repetitions of the Phrase "THIS is comedy?" Uttered
During a Gallagher Performance
2> Worst Pronunciation of "Cunanan"
and the Number 1 Rejected Guinness World Record Category...
1> The Fastest Post-Divorce Rebound and Artificial Insemination
of a Woman You Hardly Know, In a Hopeless Effort to Convince
the World that You are Not a Pedophile
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
New Movies Starring Christian Slater
15> "Biting Raoul"
14> "Dentl"
13> "Alien IV Going Back In"
12> "Belly Jack"
11> "Breakfast at Tiffany's Spleen"
10> "Edward Scissorteeth"
9> "Untasted Heart"
8> "Young Gums"
7> "The Three Mouthketeers" (with Marv Albert and Mike Tyson)
6> "Broken Arrow Shirt"
5> "My Dinner of Andre"
4> "The Story of a Man Who Went, Without Surgery, From An Being
an Outie to an Innie"
3> "Who's That Eating Gilbert Grape?...
Lesser Known Opponents of Godzilla
15> His evil twi Godzima
14> Hemorrhoithra
13> A creeping malaise, caused by his being agnostic and painfully
aware of his own cosmic insignificance
12> Deepakchopra
11> Tony "The Taxidermist" Bouffanti
10> ManRay...
The Top 16 Cartoon Characters Who Failed to Catch On
16> Bugs Bobbitt
15> Peter Rabbi
14> Heidi and the Pussycats
13> Dagmar and Rune he anatomically correct Swedish crimefighters
12> Pepe LePuke
11> MilitiaMan and the UnaBomber Squad
10> Herman the Squeezable Mollusk
9> Sparkles, the 3-legged puppy with an eye infection
8> Namby-Pamby Man
7> Intravenous Todd and Metaphor, the Really, Horrible Rotten
Horse
6> Strom 'n Jesse
5> The Tasmanian Dustbunny
4> Lil' Pus, the Oozing Scab-Faced Boy
3> Victor Vulture, Attorney at Law
2> Yosemite Todd, Sam's "Houseboy"
and the Number 1 Cartoon Characters Who Failed to Catch On....